#+TITLE: Tuesday, 11/10/2020
** 15:57 don't lose your nerve
[[https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJxVkU2PozAMhn8N3FolhM9DDtWwnaU7MFK30-nMBaXBLaEhYSG0C79-0_a0ki1Lr-3Xkh_ODJx1P9FOD8YdB-hLUVGMwoQgD7sV9SscB7ErhvLUA7RMSGr6EdxuPErBmRFa3Tc84uPIrSkKCQkCgn2EwhMkfsI4C6OI4wiThIe-e79TsrESoDhQuEI_aQWupLUx3eCQleOtbbArWw7jcTCMX5Zct1bqbGq1UNospB6EOi_aaaGgv4JD1kZfQDkkhWmDubefDp68ZI3-m6dfQT6vpvz3TfDXZK7WSff9koX5jqNizm958zFkrayrh_Z1K9IPlDcr_G7n2aGYrYfgP_fibZfNRfqDZML6kL146He_Fzx9f66b6lVej2KTLIuDjFWWnDbtG4_PEm278dDuYEr3fItX70G8-7P9ldeftcddQT3kIYxRYEtEkiVezl0Yj7PQOmkcH7Vn778vuD1t2AV4fWWGSTtwvgN5dCyP0tZ2VMJMJSh2lFA9UZkn3MfnzdQBVXAbJBgD_VO8E4_8yBIPXHuu0tZVUYvgH2nht6Y][thanks ava]]
it's like walking on a tightrope
there are infinite ways to fuck up
don't think about it! you'll psych yourself out and never get something done.
thinking is never equivalent to doing the thing. it's fantasy, reassurance, but never movves you closer than *actually getting things done*. /getting things done/ will alleviate your anxiety and help you continue to work on progressing. do not think thoughts of taking it all back or giving up; just progress day by day

ramble on and on without properly expressing things - may be helpful to journal! it is so nice to have worries that are so very mundane. often lots of others have our same feelings -- even /successful/ others -- but they still manage to progress.

just because something is common doesn't mean it's not scary
talking feels like a distraction! it's ahrd to talk about things so vulnerable
muddle through and /do/ the thing. try your best

it's not normal to know everything about a subject without touching it. it's much more common to have actually tried things out and understand them from that perspective
** 18:42 dream from few nights ago
actually went back to school
living situations weird kees frat, eric karmen j oh living outsid
pants stuck down, making bd sml talk witg girls
anna sequitur come#, have equally bad small talk