Non-Violent Communication / NVC


Context: Abishek's session at LC day 2.

Why is NVC needed?

  • We don't embrace conflict enough.
  • Building community + Trust
  • p = P - i(performance = Potential - interference)

Myths about Conflict

  • Conflicts are avoidable
  • Conflicts are bad
  • Unhealthy people get into conflicts

Use of force is violence

Metta : Loving kindness

Trigger hijacks us - Abigdula/reptilian brain takes over

Reptilian brain has 4 responses

  • Fight
  • Flight
  • Freeze
  • Flurry


  • Body Tightens
  • Breath quickens
  • You get feelings.

When you get triggered

  • Pause: Slow down
  • Do drills(Breath, drink water)


  • Behavior(what you can see/what a camera can record)
  • Feelings
  • Needs

When I see you do this, I feel this. What I need is this. Do this with Honesty and Compassion.

What is Violence

  • Language that disconnects is violence - life enhancing vs not life enhancing
    • Diagnosis
    • Judgement
    • Analysis
    • Criticism
    • Comparison
    • Labeling
    • Denial of responsibility(You made me feel _____)
    • Demand (You should/you must)
    • Deserve Language

When someone is attacking, there is a need of that person that is not getting fulfilled.

Request has to be specific.

Clearing conversation, Debrief

Observation - Feelings - Needs - Request Interpretation - Judgement - No connection - Strategy -


#communication #lc #literature-notes #mad #nvc

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